smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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