i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
