The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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