my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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