Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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