watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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