I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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