I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize