no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
