I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
