Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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