i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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