I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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