I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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