Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
