i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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