No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
