I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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