Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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