Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize