I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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