just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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