So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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