Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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