I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
