DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
