is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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