I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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