xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
