piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
