Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
