3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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