I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He better not be in your backpack
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
