i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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