You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
