We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
