she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
