You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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