she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
