I cut my penus on the lid.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
