: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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