Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
