best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
