She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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