my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Couch. On fire.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
