What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I supernannyed him into submission
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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