dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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