Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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