i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
worst night to have a conscience
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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