I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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