You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I supernannyed him into submission
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
