I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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