i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
