I'm really into asian looking animals
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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