Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
