This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
