I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
honey bunches of taint.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
