I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
