She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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