he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
