If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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