why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
