My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
