Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
