So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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