the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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