After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry about my life...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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