Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
